The Terrible Times We Wound up in Sickbay
by Evelyn Rogue
Summary: What happens when the command crew winds up in the dreaded place known as sickbay? Bones wants cooperative patients, but of course that isn't going to happen. Read as the command crew finds boredom, trouble, and a very annoyed Doctor Mccoy within the walls of sickbay.
1. Tentra Tantrum

**The Terrible Times We Wound Up in Sickbay**

 **Chapter 1:**

"James Tiberius Kirk, this is all your fault!" Nyota Uhura screeched as she flung whatever she could get her hands on, at the cowering captain.

"What?" He demanded pulling crossing his arms in front of his face to block an oncoming boot .

"I would not be stuck in sick bay, had you not gone off and hit on the pretty alien assassin in an Andorian pirate outpost!" She hissed.

Kirk and Uhura were confined to biobeds in sickbay. And because Uhura was in such a fury, they were in beds on I _opposite_ sides of sickbay.

"I didn't! I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time!" Kirk protested loudly. Leonard Mccoy, (also known by a select few as Bones), stood by with an amused smirk on his face.

Bones had taken any sharp or dangerous objects away from Uhura's vicinity, and was now allowing her to take her vengeance and give Kirk what he truly deserved. They had been on an undercover mission in an Andorian outpost, trying to root out a spy, who had been selling Starfleet secrets, when they had been discovered because of Kirk's supposed flirting. There had been a massive, and somewhat old fashioned fight involving the entire station. Kirk had wound up with a nasty concussion and four cracked ribs; while Uhura had broken her arm performing a pretty spectacular right hook (Which the enemy dodged, making her hit the steel wall). The fact that both Kirk and Uhura were on enough pain meds to make a Klingon sing rock music, wasn't particularly helpful in allowing Uhura to remain somewhat in control of her emotions.

"Yeah right! You can't resist seeing a pretty woman and hitting on her." Uhura snapped.

"Look, Nyota." Kirk said exasperated. "I wouldn't compromise this mission, much less put you in danger. This was too important to mess up. You have to believe me..." He added quickly.

She studied his face. Knowing him long enough, meant that she could read him like an open book, and she could tell he wasn't lying.

The cup she was about to propel at him, went back to the table it had been resting on previously.

"I believe you. But you're still in trouble. Trust me on that one." She stated with a huff, before closing her eyes and leaning back on her bed.

"Yeah… I'm getting the picture." Kirk mumbled.

"Alright you knuckle-heads." Bones broke in, "Get some rest…" Bones noticed a twinkle in Jim's eye before hastily adding, " and I will sedate you, Jim." The doctor masterfully spun a hypo in hands.

Kirk carefully eyed the hypo and calculated the risks, before deciding to abort his escape attempt.

A little rest couldn't hurt… right?

 **Hi , Guys, thanks for reading. I'm going to add more sickbay stories in the future, but I wanted to see the reception this one got. I most certainly welcome reviews, constructive criticism, and suggestions on how to make my writing better.**

 **(Preview- In the next chapter Bones meets obnoxious music, and it doesn't end well!).  
**


	2. RocknRoll Rage

**Chapter 2:**

Spock walked briskly towards sickbay; usually self composed and stiff, Spock wasn't even trying to hide his limp, as he clutched his broken arm.

The doors of sickbay opened, and Spock stumbled in.

Bones looked up from where he was working in surprise and scurried over.

"Spock what happened to you?" He asked guiding the Vulcan over to a biobed.

"I was thrown into a console." Spock briefly replied.

"Uh huh… Why?" Bones prodded, not even attempting to hide the annoyance in his voice.

Spock watched as Bones waved a tri-corder over him, frowning slightly at the results.

"As you know the ship was suddenly thrown out of hyper space, due to a warp core malfunction. I was not seated when it occurred , and was thrown into my station. I assume my arm is broken and my ankle sprained?" Spock asked.

"You assumed correctly ,Hobgoblin. You'll be stuck here for a while; the power's been diverted from the non-important machinery down here to keep the ship moving.

"That means the osteo-regenarator is down for the time being." Bones sighed.

Without warning, Spock was ruthlessly jabbed in the neck with a hypo.

Surprise flashed across Spock's typically emotionless features.

"Oh, quit bein' an infant, Spock. That was just a sedative specifically designed for half human half Vulcans. Y'know to avoid nausea " Bones scowled.

As the sedative went to work Bones reset Spock's arm, elevating and putting ice on Spock's ankle.

A few moments later the doors to sickbay burst open. Kirk was supporting a barely conscious Scotty, dragging him to an empty biobed.

"Bones, Scotty was caught in an explosion down in engineering!" Kirk gasped.

Bones rushed to Scotty's biobed and ran his tricorder over him.

"He's sporting a nice concussion and second degree burns, but he'll live." Bones sighed rubbing his temple.

\- Four hours later -

Spock came out of sedated sleep to blaring music. On the bed next to him, Scotty sat shaking his head and tapping his feet the rhythm of old, obnoxious Terran music.

Bones's furious shouting was drowned out by the music as he scurried around sickbay trying to find the source.

"Montgomery Scott, where is that music coming from?" Bones roared just to be heard over the noise. His glare was aimed right at the Scotsman, who was now shrinking.

"I- um-." Scotty opened his communicator and spoke into it. "Kill the music, Laddie."

The music cut off abruptly and Kirk's laughter crackled through the communicator. Bones ground his teeth at the obvious offender.

"Give me that!" Bones shouted, wresting the communicator from Scotty's grasp.

"James Tiberius Kirk, you listen here. You had better run, because when I find you… you are going to be sedated for a week; you hear?" Bones growled into the communicator. There was a gasp over the comm, and it blared as it clattered to the floor, the sound of pattering feet barely audible over the static.

Bones stomped over to a table and picked two sedatives up, before walking back over to Scotty.

"Wait I don't-" Scotty couldn't finish before he was hypoed and collapsing back into his bed unconscious.

Bones glared over at Spock, who had been unable to keep the corner of his mouth from rising into a smirk.

"Are you… Smiling?" Bones asked incredulously.

"I am still fighting off your sedative, and thus unable to properly control my facial muscles." Spock claimed.

"You know, I think you just don't want to admit to smiling." Bones said with a chuckle.

"I am a Vulcan and thus cannot lie."

"You're a half Vulcan."

"Will the captain be joining us in sickbay ,Doctor?" Spock asked, glad for anything to distract the doctor.

Suddenly Bones was reminded of his anger, and clutching his sedative, spun on his heel and stalked out the door.

Five minutes later a very unconscious Kirk was brought in by a very smug doctor.

 **Thanks for reading Ladies and Gentlemen; I'd like to take suggestions, if you guys have any good ideas, I'll consider them. Thanks.**


	3. Food Fight Fury

**Chapter 3:**

Checkov, unlike most of the command crew, typically was able to avoid sickbay.

He had gone on his first away mission with Kirk, Uhura, and Spock, and wound up shot in the shoulder with an arrow.

Kirk wasn't in a better position either; he had gotten his foot stuck in a rather painful bear trap.

"Mr. Spock, you said that planet was uninhabited." Kirk snapped sharply.

"Captain, all scans indicated that it was. The inhabitants were hidden in the caves; those caves acted as a scrambler, and we were unable to detect them." Spock responded shaking his head.

"Well… I suppose that makes sense. Alright get to the bridge ,Spock; they need you there." Kirk ordered. Spock gave a curt nod and walked out, hands clasped behind his back.

"You stay still, while I check up on Jim." Bones ordered Checkov. Bones had just finished patching both of them up, and was now making sure they remained put.

"Yessir." Checkov nodded, knowing full well the Doctor's patience was not to be tested.

"Ya hurtin' ,Jim?" Bones asked, checking the bandage around Kirk's ankle.

"Nah, I'm alright." Was the response.

Bones gave him a warning look, before walking over to the replicator.

Ordering two plates of peaches, broccoli, carrots, and one bun per plate, he served both patients before returning to his office.

They both frowned at the meatless vegetarian dish. Of course it had to be vegetarian day on the one day they ended up in sickbay.

On certain days of the week, there were certain days with special menus that could even override Bones's medical diet orders.

Both Kirk and Checkov sadly poked at the food, before an idea formed in Kirk's mind.

All of a sudden Checkov was hit square in the face by a bun. The surprise on his face was priceless to the captain.

"Keptain?" the Russian asked in shock.

A mischievous look crossed the captain's face as he flung broccoli at the young navigator.

A similar glint formed in Checkov's eye seconds before the captain was pelted in carrots.

Bones sat in his office, filing paperwork. He had explained earlier that his two patients were to eat their food, and try to rest.

This is why he stiffened at the sound of laughter and giggles.

 _Something's not right_ Bones thought, slamming his PADD on the desk and stalking into the other room.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he was suddenly bombarded by sticky peaches.

Kirk and Checkov looked terrified, much to Bones's inward glee.

"Uh, Bones, I can explain." Kirk gulped cramming carrots into his mouth.

"I sure hope so ,Jim. I'm givin' ya one chance ." Bones scowled.

"Um… I was- Uh- We we're… I'm sorry?"

"I'm not going to sedate ya this time, but you'd better eat what's left… NOW!" Bones kept his scowl as the two crew members ate in sulky silence.

When they had finished, they remained under Bones's watchful gaze, until both had fallen asleep.

Satisfied Bones went back to his paperwork.

Kirk cracked an eye open several minutes after Bones left. Rising up, he gingerly placed weight on his ankle. It had received several treatments with the dermal regenerator, but was still tender and raw.

"Hey ,Checkov! Let's go, Bones isn't looking." Kirk prodded the sleeping teenager.

Waking up slowly, Checkov groggily blinked. "Where are we going ,Keptain?" The boy asked drowsily.

"A place I discovered through in vent shafts . Bones will never look for us there."A small smile flit across both faces, as they scurried out of the room.

"JIM!" A furious shout later echoed through the lower decks. And for the rest of the day, even Spock carefully avoided Doctor Mccoy's warpath.

 **Hey, what did you guys think? Thanks for reading.**


	4. Toddler Troubles

**Chapter 4:**

"Miss Chapel report to sickbay!" Bones barked into the comm.

"No put that down!" He shouted rushing to yank a hypospray out of a two year old Kirk's hands.

Yet another mission had gone awry, and when a majority of the command crew went to investigate an old outpost, they had run into some trouble. Upon beaming them back, Bones had been contacted by a very panicked cupcake(or so Jim dubbed him), who relayed the unfortunate incident of the crew's toddler transformations.

Bones had been forced to take them to sickbay, but it was very quickly slipping out of his control.

Whipping around at a delighted squeal, he found Sulu balanced precariously at the edge of a desk.

"Sulu ,no!" Bones shouted, rushing forward to catch the toddler as he toppled off the desk. The kid may have been small, but he was heavy, and bones landed on his stomach with a grunt.

Uhura's laughter echoed from behind a biobed, and Bones ground his teeth. The girl had found his gauze wraps, unwrapped them, flung them in various directions, and draped them over everything, including Checkov.

Bones quickly rescued the boy and placed him on the opposite side of the room; hurrying back to Uhura, he gathered the gauze up and was about to put it away; however _t_ _hat's_ when he heard banging.

Scotty had found a tricorder (Bones's favorite tricorder) and was now banging it in full force against the floor.

Dropping the gauze on the floor, he scurried over to Scotty, but it was too late. Pieces of tricorder were littered everywhere, and Scotty was about to pop the battery in his mouth.

Mccoy yanked it away from him, desperately trying to ignore the yelp of surprise the Toddler let out.

Scooping up the pieces of tricorder he tossed them on the desk.

Had it been any other time, he would of mourned the loss of the best working tricorder he had ever used; however, this was _not_ the time for that.

He rushed over to stop Kirk from grabbing a surgical tray filled with instruments, but his feet caught in the gauze he had taken from Uhura, and he tumbled headlong to the floor.

His cry of surprise had been enough to distract all toddlers in the room, and looking at him, they began they began screaming with laughter. Even toddler Spock (who had remained silent and peaceful on a bio-bed for entirety of the insanity) let out a uncharacteristic chuckle.

The door to sickbay whooshed open to reveal a very disheveled nurse Chapel; she took in the sight of the chaos. Paper was scattered everywhere, pillows littered the floor, and blankets had been yanked off biobeds. The Toddlers were everywhere wreaking havoc, and Bones was in a heap on the floor with gauze tangled around his feet.

"Do something; they're wrecking my sickbay!" Came Bones's muffled order from the floor.

Chapel smiled and walked over to her desk. Pulling a bag out, she spoke over her shoulder to the toddlers. "If you want candy, go sit on the bed quietly."

They tumbled over each other in order to comply with her wishes, and soon all of them sat happily and quietly sucking on lolly-pops.

Bones had finally extricated himself from the mess of gauze, and sadly deemed it to tangled and dirty to use in the future.

He and Chapel convened in his office.

"Thanks." bones let out a breathless sigh.

"How long until their back to normal?" Chapel asked uneasily.

"They're working on it, but-." Bones was cut off by a tug at the hem of his shirt.

Looking down, Spock stared up at him, before silently pointing to the other room.

Whipping around Bones found the room completely empty; groaning, he alerted the ship to be on the lookout for the kids.

"Nurse Chapel, coat those candies in edible sedatives and get them ready." Bones scowled before leaving the room.

Spock looked up at her, and she handed him a non sedated candy for his honesty.

–- four days later-

An adult Scotty was bent over his work in engineering, when a tray was slammed down next to him.

"Aye, what's this now?" He asked in surprise.

" I need you to fix my tricorder." Bones said with a smirk.

"This thing's shattered into a million pieces, ya cannae expect me to put it back together!"

"You were brilliant enough to break it, you're brilliant enough to put it back together." Bones snapped before walking out.

Scotty stared hopelessly at it and wished he had never become a toddler in the first place.

 **This was one was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you guys enjoyed it. Hopefully I have another adventure out soon. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Marker Mayhem

**Chapter 5:**

Bones was ready to drop, dark circles had formed under his eyes, and he had found himself falling asleep several times while standing.

A new virus had been picked up from the last planet they visited and started giving people persistent flu like symptoms, that lasted much longer than the common flu.

It had taken Bones four days just to synthesize a cure, and then he had to distribute it to the hundreds of crew members.

It had been a week since the first case, and almost everyone had been vaccinated; now it was time for the stragglers.

Bones jolted as the doors to sickbay opened. How long had he been there?

"Whoa! Bones, when was the last time you slept?" Kirk asked with serious concern. Kirk had come with Spock, Checkov, and Uhura for their vaccinations.

Bones shot him a murderous glare.

"Some of us don't get to sit in a chair all day ,Jim." He sighed.

"I-."

"No I'm sorry; I shouldn't have snapped like that. It's been at least a week since I've gotten more than four hours of sleep."Bones shook his head.

Bones usually added more force than necessary when in using hypos, but today he wasn't in the mood.

After they received their vaccinations, they watched as Bones plopped down in a chair and yawned. "I'm just gonna close my eyes for a minute. Wake me up in five." He grumbled.

"That is _not_ going to happen." Kirk shook his head, but Bones was out like a light.

They stood in there for a minute before Kirk wandered over to a desk. Pulling the drawers open, he finally found what he was looking for.

A permanent marker.

"What? I used to do this to him at the academy when he overworked himself. It kept him inside for a few days… especially if I wrote something really embarrassing." Kirk explained upon seeing the incredulous looks of the command crew.

They frowned at him; however, he pretended not to notice.

Kirk then preceded to write the words _Imma grumpy grumpy man_ across his cheek, and on the other one he wrote, _Mccoy + hypo_ (with a heart around it obviously).

He turned to Checkov and handed him the marker. The kid seriously considered it before drawing the words _Checkov was here_ Across his forehead.

"Checkov! Now he's gonna hypo you for sure!" Jim whisper-yelled at the boy.

"Oops." Checkov grimmaced worriedly.

"Give me that." Uhura whispered, before yanking the marker from them.

She knelt down and scribbled something across his temple in Vulcan.

"What does it say?" Kirk asked quietly.

"It says 'Uhura was here'." She responded proudly.

"Please hand me the marker." Spock ordered. Uhura gave him a surprised glance as he knelt in-front of Mccoy.

"As Nyota has already left something in Vulcan, the doctor will assume it was me and punish me accordingly; thus, I will write something." The Vulcan explained.

He wrote (to everyone's surprise) _Mccoy + tricorder= saddened_ _hypo_

"I felt it was necessary to expound upon your statement ,Captain. He appears to love his tricorder as much as his hypos, thus if hypos had feelings I think they would be sad… It is only logical."

"Yeah… sure." Kirk said stunned.

The doctor shifted, as Nurse Chapel walked in. She froze and bit her lip to keep from bursting into laughter.

"May I ask you're doing ,Captain?"

"Bones hates when stuff is written on his face, because he can't use his scowl and be taken seriously. Thus I've found a way to keep him in his room for a few days… Want to write something?"

"No thank you ,Sir. I have work with him, and he'd make me do all the dirty jobs; however , Commander Spock, if you'd take him to the bio-bed, I'll sedate him for a few hours and give you a _much needed_ head start… He's going to be livid."

After They complied, they walked to the doors of sickbay, where they began pushing and shoving to get through first. Needless to say, Spock's superior strength won out, and he was long gone by the time the next person got through the door.

They all followed him down the halls, hoping desperately that the Vulcan had a plan to hide. They _really_ wanted in on that plan.

Spock made it to his room, and opened the door; however, he was surprised when the others raced up behind him.

"Please let us in!" Kirk begged.

Spock gave a sharp nod, and they all filed in, completely filling the rather small room.

They then waited for their impending doom.

\- three hours later-

Bones woke with a grunt; he was sprawled on a bio-bed, and had a headache.

How'd he get there?

Getting up, he realized everyone was gone; thus, he went about straightening things up.

The doors whooshed open, and an ensign strode in, took one look at Bones, and gaped.

"What?" He snapped. "Did I grow a second nose?" He asked sarcastically

"A-actually, I think you did! If that's a nose in marker." She said.

Okay so maybe the crew drew a few more things, and Checkov thought it was a good idea to give Bones another nose.

"Marker?" Bones asked, hoping for Jim's sake she was lying.

"Yeah, I-it's _all_ over your face." She gasped.

He spun to the mirror and scowled, and the poor but _smart_ ensign retreated out the door to avoid his wrath.

Bones stalked over to the comm and spoke ship-wide.

"I know you can hear me , _Captain_ , so if you don't want to die today, you and all other responsible parties, get your rears to sickbay… Now! No one writes on my face and gets away with it!" He roared furiously into the comms.

A few hours later, Kirk, Uhura, Checkov, and Spock all wound up with a nasty case of the Melvarian Mud fleas, and no one asked Mccoy what happened, and no one said a word about his face.

 **Hey guys, I appreciate everyone who is reading this. I know this one wasn't as good as the last ones, but I had run in with a certain foe known as writer's block. I have an upcoming busy week; so I won't post anything until the week** ** _after_** **next week. I hope that time will give some new ideas for stories. Once again thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.**

 **-Darkwolfthewriter**


	6. Silly String

A scowl flashed across Scotty's face as he sat on the medical biobed. It wasn't even a bad burn. It didn't even wrap around his entire wrist; yet here he was, stuck for an entire day on this horrid bed. Sulu was two biobeds over, and he looked about as happy as Scotty.

"Thanks for shielding me from that explosion." Scotty mumbled to Sulu.

"You're quite welcome, Scotty." The other man shrugged. Sulu had taken the brunt of the explosion, and had wound up with shrapnel in his arm.

A few minutes of silence passed, before Scotty muttered something about boredom.

"Can you get to that replicator?" Sulu asked with a wry grin on his face.

"Are you crazy?... Of course I can!" The Scotsman scoffed.

"Alright, I have a plan!"

"Oh, no. I've heard the horror stories the Captain tells about the Doctor and his fury. I'm not openin' that can o worms."

Sulu smiled and Scotty groaned.

Bones walked in a few minutes later, laden with PADDs and paper work. Hardly shooting the two patients a second look he meandered over to the replicator. After pressing a few buttons, the machine whirred and died. Bones hit the machine several times before shouting at it. All of sudden the machine roared to life and blue spirals of sticky string bombarded Bones. Bones struggled to stop the machine as he was pelted and attempted to speak to Scotty through mouths of string.

"Sc-Scotty, UGH, help!" The doctor shouted.

"Oh, I'm supposed to be on bed rest, Doctor."

"I knew it! I knew this was you!" Bones hissed in fury. Sulu's slight smirk told Bones that Scotty wasn't the only one in on this.

After Scotty hit a button on his communicator the machine died down, but Scotty would later deny a funnier picture than the Doctor covered in string.

"What is this stuff?" Bones grunted as he attempted to remove the string.

"It's an old earth novelty called silly string. I think it stains clothing..." Sulu explained.

"Well guess what this little escapade cost you?" Bones glowered. "An extra day in sickbay... With me."

"You cannae do that!" Scotty protested.

"Yes the captain needs us." Sulu agreed.

"Hate To tell you boys, but this is me we're talking about... Do you really think Jim's going to question me about it?" The doctor asked.

Both men gulped. When it came to Bones, it was every man for himself.

 **Hey This Chapter is really short, but my writer's Block remains; thus I regret to inform you that this is the final chapter of this story. Thanks to all that have read this, and I hope you enjoyed it.**


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